Harry Potter and the Legend of the Fay
by Nixie the Bloody Pixie
Summary: Okay, so Harry knew that this year was gonna suck. Discriminating wannabe-teachers, dementors attacking him, and now a fairy? What the hell was he thinking when he stepped off that train?
1. Chapter 1: New Teacher

Okay listen up. I don't have this book in English and I'm too lazy to get it in a library so the plot will resemble some original plot mixed with mindfuckery of new dimensions since I'm just that crazy!

**I don't own Harry Potter… if I did then Sirius would never have died!**

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Chapter 1: New Teacher

Dumbledore was sitting in his office, and stared down at the _Daily Prophet_. As usual the newspaper was filled with him and Harry Potter telling lies about the resurrection of Lord Voldemort or, as the public used to call the lad, You-Know-Who.

The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, who always had sought Dumbledore's advice and counsel, when he needed it, had come to the moronic conclusion that Dumbledore wanted the title of Minister of Magic for himself, and had therefore dispatched Dolores Umbridge to set out an Educational Decree which prevented Dumbledore from doing anything about the empty seat in the staff if he couldn't find a suitable replacement.

He had just returned after saving Harry from his hearing – the poor boy had been forced to use his Patronus, and it hadn't made his situation better that his Muggle-cousin had been there when it happened – and with a few well-chosen words he had turned the tides for Harry, before dragging the poor boy to the Weasleys where he was supposed to spend the rest of the summer.

Irritated the Head Master stood up, and started pacing back and forth his desk. His eyes darted from one place to another until they fell on a single word on one of his many books.

Dumbledore's blue eyes brightened in amusement as he walked over and pulled out the book that had caught his eyes.

"Yes…" he said as he walked back to his desk, and pulled out a piece of parchment which he started writing on. "this will do nicely." He finished, and wrote his signature before putting the letter in an envelope, and sealing it with a bit of wax.

"Fawkes… if you would be so kind?" Dumbledore asked, and his Phoenix Familiar flew to his Master's shoulder where the phoenix was given the letter, and then sent off to find the receiver.

…

Shouts and laughter could be heard outside the pub as the rain hit the ground.

Just another typical weather phenomenon here in England, but this time the rain concealed something more private.

A woman stood in an alley, and she glared irritated at the letter in her hands. On her shoulder sat a grey little chick wrapped in her reddish brown hair so it wouldn't get soaked.

"Why would a Headmaster like him ask for my help on the matter? I'm not even from here." she muttered as she glared down at the envelope, as if it was insulting her gravely.

"Fucking eh! Look what we found! A pretty lil' birdie all alone!" some drunken man mumbled as he tumbled out of the pub, and caught the girl in the alley.

"I don't have time for people like you." The girl snarled, and glared at the drunk with menacing eyes but that didn't stop him from trying to make a move.

"Aw come on! Can't I at least see yer face?" he asked, and tried to take off the hoddie she had on.

"I said that I didn't have time moron!" she hissed, and slapped his hand away but the drunk still managed to take off her hoddie, however he hadn't realized his mistake yet.

Something seemed to light the girl's eyes, and then her face changed form.

A horrible grin spread across her face as her eyes started to take the shape of a snake's.

"_I sssssssaid that I don't have time."_ She hissed, and the man screamed in fear as he tried to get away from her.

"ARH! MONSTER!" he screamed, but the girl just giggled, pulled up her hoddie, and then pulled out a wand to erase the man's memory.

"Oh this is gonna be FUN!" she shouted happily as she walked home to her apartment so she could pack all her belongings.

…

Harry groaned as he threw himself onto his bed.

"My life sucks…" he groaned, as he remembered what had happened at the Welcoming Feast a few minutes ago…

**Flashback**

_Harry, as well as his friends, looked at the young girl sitting where the DADA-teacher usually had place. _

_She had reddish brown hair, and seemed easygoing for some weird reason. _

"_Who do you think that is?" Harry muttered to Ron, who looked at her like he had looked at Fleur Delacour last year with the Triwizard Tournament. _

"_She must be the new DADA-teacher or something." Hermione muttered from across the table, and Ginny nodded beside her. _

_Finally Dumbledore stood up, and called for silence. _

"_Welcome everyone to a new year at Hogwarts, and to the first-years welcome to your new family… I see that all of you have been looking up at our newest addition to the Hogwarts-staff. I am happy to introduce you to Fay Stuttgart who has accep-…"_

"_Ahem…" _

_Everyone in the Great Hall froze when they heard someone interrupt Dumbledore. _

"_Ah yes… The Ministry seemed to believe that they would be inspecting Hogwarts this year. Might I introduce you all to Dolores Umbridge." Dumbledore said, and waited for an applause that never came. _

"_No way!" Harry whispered in horror, as he finally saw the woman sitting beside the new DADA-teacher. _

_It was a wonder that he hadn't noticed Umbridge. He had been sure that he could have recognized toady face, and that horrible pink color everywhere forever. _

"_How do you know who she is, Harry?" Hermione asked in a whisper, but Harry just growled: "She was at my hearing earlier this year. Damn! I actually thought that I wouldn't have to deal with the Ministry this year!"_

"_Oh come on, Harry, she's probably just here to see that everything is as it should be." Ron mumbled, and clapped Harry on the shoulder but that didn't bring peace to Harry's soul. _

"_Thank you, Headmaster, for those kind words, and might I say that I'm delighted to see all those happy faces here! The Ministry has…" _

_Harry didn't hear the rest of Umbridge's speech. Instead he glared right into her toady face with as much hate that he could muster, but it seemed to bounce right off her. _

_Finally she was finished, and Dumbledore told them to dig in as the food appeared – the first years' eyes were filled with wonder – but Harry kept a keen look at the two newcomers at the Teachers Table. _

**end of flashback**

"Hey mate, don't sweat it. I'm sure that woman'll sneak back to the Ministry soon." Ron said as he looked at Harry from his bed, and shot his best friend a big smile.

"Yeah… you're probably right, Ron. I'm just on edge, is all." Harry muttered before taking off his glasses, and then he pulled the covers up over him.

"Night." He muttered before he let sleep take him.

It sure was going to be a strange year here at Hogwarts that was for sure.

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Review please 3


	2. Chapter 2: First Day Fun

Wow two chapters out in about two (maybe three?) hours! I'm lucky my teacher hasn't confiscated my PC yet.

**I don't own Harry Potter… I only have movie 1, 2, 3 and 6. It sucks to be me!**

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Chapter 2: First Day Fun

Fay grinned as she eyed all the students in the Great Hall.

They seemed to think that they were about to have a horrible year with that fashion-disturbed toad Dolores Umbridge, but if there was one thing Fay was a master at, then it was causing mayhem. Especially when the victi-… err… objects of her irritation was stuck-up bitches like the woman beside her.

"Miss Stuttgart, where did you work before coming to Hogwarts?" Umbridge asked innocently, and looked at her with fake wonder in her eyes.

Fay glanced at her as she sipped at her coffee, and said:

"I've never had a job before this. I'm fresh."

Dolores just nodded, as a faint smile crept up on her face as she wrote something on a clipboard beside her plate.

"Why're you asking?"

Fay looked at Umbridge with raised eyebrows, and the Senior Undersecretary laughed a little girly laughter before she looked at the red-head with a fake happiness dominating it.

"Oh I was just wondering. You see, I have to make a _very_ detailed report to the Minister of Magic about all the teachers here on Hogwarts."

Fay nodded slowly as if she understood what the hell Umbridge was talking about, and then continued her breakfast in silence.

"Miss Stuttgart, where are you from?"

Professor Flitwick asked from her other side, and Fay smiled radiantly at the short Charms Professor as she answered.

"Well I grew up in London, but was born in Scotland. My parents lived in London too but both were originally from America."

"I see. So it's like coming home when you're here at Hogwarts?"

Fay nodded, before her face became serious.

"My mum and dad both died a few years ago. I was told it was because of cancer or somethin'."

Fay continued, and Flitwick's face turned from happy to grave.

"I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure that it must have been hard for you to live without-…"

**BANG**

Flitwick was interrupted when suddenly a bang sounded from Fay's pocket in her hoddie, and smoke started rising.

"Crap!"

She shouted as she jumped up from the table, and feverishly tried to put out the fire.

"_Aquamenti!"_ Flitwick cried out, and pointed his wand at the jumping girl who then got soaked from top to toe.

A silent giggle sounded from the students', and soon enough they were joined by Fay.

The students' all glared at their DADA-teacher as she started giggling, which then went over to a booming laughter, which then again was joined by all the other teachers except Snape and Umbridge who both looked like they wanted to strangle that little speck of joy.

"I-I'm sorry f-for that, Pro-Professor Du-Dumbledore! My wand does that sometimes."

Fay cried out between her laughs, and the Headmaster just shook his head and chuckled softly at the little accident.

"If you would excuse me, fellow colleagues."

She muttered as she made her way down from the Teachers' Table, and past the snorting and laughing students' who all suddenly liked the new teacher much more than before.

…

Down at the Gryffindor Table people were eagerly whispering about the new teacher, but the only one who wasn't really entertained was Hermione who glared at Ron and Harry as they snorted with laughter.

"She out to act more mature, instead of just laughing it away as petty childsplay,"

Hermione muttered as she glared at her retreating teacher, who had just reached the big doors at the end of the Great Hall, and discretely closed it.

"Oh loosed up, Hermione. It was probably just an accident."

Fred grinned, as he leaned over to his twin with a wicked grin on his face.

"You didn't have anything to do with this, have you Fred?"

Harry asked innocently, and the Twins grinned before they both responded at once.

"We don't know-"

"What you're talking about-"

"Harry."

Harry just groaned, and glared at the Twins but they just grinned even wider, and then they left the table with the excuse of "having some business to attend to" which caused more than a few raised eyebrows at the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff's Tables.

Finally McGonagall came down with their schedules, and Harry groaned as he skimmed the subjects.

"Double History of Magic, double Potions, Divination, and then double Defense against the Dark Arts… This has gotta be _the_ worst Monday EVER!"

He groaned, and handed Ron his schedule but the red-head groaned too, and slammed his head down on a free part of the table.

"Someone kill me… maybe we should just skip this day…"

Ron groaned only to be whacked by a mortified Hermione, who held her Potions-book ready in her hands if Harry decided that he needed a wakeup-call too.

"You're a Prefect Ron! You can't skip class!"

She hissed, and shoved her book down in her bag again, before she left the Hall with an annoyed expression on her face.

"Well we better get going too. Don't wanna miss the first class now do we?"

Harry murmured with a voice dripping with sarcasm, and rubbed his neck as he and Ron left the Great Hall following Hermione.

…

Fay yawned as she sipped on her fifteenth cup of coffee that day. She had never suspected that teaching would be so tiring, that she needed to have a house elf keep bringing her coffee every half hour.

"Damn that old geezer for tricking me into this…"

She muttered, as she remembered her visit at Dumbledore's.

**flashback**

_Fay looked around in wonder as all the sparkling and interesting objects around her started reacting to her presence. _

"_It seems that your Magic even affects your surroundings. Ah, fairies are indeed strange creatures."_

_Someone said above her, and Fay's head shot up to look into Dumbledore's blue eyes. _

"_Well I didn't ask for this on purpose!" _

_She growled as she watched the Headmaster disappear from sight, only to walk down a spiral staircase and walk over to a desk at the back of the office. _

"_Here's ya pet." _

_Fay said, and pulled out Fawkes from her hoddie. Carefully she walked over with the ashgrey Phoenix chick, and put it down in Dumbledore's awaiting hands. _

"_I thank you for the returning of my pet. Phoenixes are quite troublesome to get a hold of… and expensive too."_

_The Headmaster chuckled, and Fay nodded as she shot the Phoenix chick in his hands a longing gaze. She had come to adore the little creature, as it simply was _too_ cute for its own good._

"_It seems that you both have taken a liking to each other too." _

_Dumbledore mused, and caught Fay in a fierce blush and a shy look. _

"_Well… he simply is too adorable for his own good. I couldn't help but love him right away."_

_She muttered, and Dumbledore's chuckle extended a few more moments. _

"_Anyways… I didn't come here to discuss pets and have a sleepover, old man. What is this about a position as a teacher?" _

_She asked, and looked curiously at Dumbledore who sighed heavily, and looked at her with a suddenly serious face._

"_I've had some trouble finding a teacher for the subject Defense against the Dark Arts – or DADA for short – and I was wondering if you might be interested in it."_

_Fay looked surprised at the old Headmaster, and then narrowed her eyes and said: _

"_If you think that this is the best opportunity to steal some Fairy Dust, then forget it old man! I'm not gonna give ya any!"_

_Dumbledore smiled reassuringly, and laid his hands on Fay's shoulders. _

"_Don't worry one bit, Miss Stuttgart. I'm only asking for you to teach the students about the Dark Arts. Nothing more and nothing less."_

_Fay looked still not completely satisfied, but then she blew a stray hair away from her nose and glared into Dumbledore's blue eyes. _

"_FINE! I'll do your damn job, _BUT_ I expect that you won't spread the rumors about me being a fairy."_

_Fay looked irritated at the now smirking Headmaster, who stepped back and then he walked over to his fireplace, and then looked into the flames. _

"_Severus, if you would be so kind to come to my office."_

_Dumbledore said softly and shortly after someone knocked on his door. _

"_Ah that must be him." _

_Dumbledore walked over to the door, only to blink a few times as he took in all the suitcases and bags outside his office. _

_Between a babyblue bag that seemed to have some books inside it, and a six feet tall suitcase stood the Potions Master – Severus Snape – with a highly annoyed expression on his face. _

"_Severus, I'd like you to meet the new DADA-teacher. Her name's Fay Stuttgart, and she seem to have quite a big amount of luggage, so if you could help her to her room?" _

_Dumbledore's question was clearly not a suggestion but more an order. _

"_And why, might I ask, should I help her with all of this? We're not starting to donate clothes to Muggle Organizations now, are we?" _

_Snape looked irritated at the red-headed girl behind the Head Master, who had the audacity to smile brightly. _

"_Err… if you would be interested Mr. Snape, then could I perhaps bribe you? I believe that Fairy Dust should be one of the rare ingredients for some types of healing potions."_

_Fay smiled brightly at the Potions Master who seemed to have become lesser intimidating, at the mentioning of Fairy Dust. _

"_That it is. Don't tell me that you're a-…" _

_Snape started only to widen his eyes, when reality hit him hard. _

"_I… s-see. I guess that I can help you with some of your luggage."_

_He finally muttered, and Fay smiled even brighter than before. _

"_Great! I'll just summon some of the house elves, and tell them that their services will not be needed since I had a _dear_,_ dear_ friend do it for me!" _

_Fay's smile got a bit brighter as Snape's head turned redder and redder, but she didn't seem to notice. She grabbed a few of the bags that had books inside them, after loading Snape with enough suitcases, bags and trunks to sustain a lesser army, and then she had him lead the way to her room. _

**end of flashback**

"Ahem."

The discrete cough from Umbridge snapped her concentration, and Fay looked up from her empty coffee-cup to glare at Umbridge who had the audacity to smile like they were BFF's.

"What's up, fellow female-human?"

Fay asked, and got an irritated glare from Umbridge who _still_ had that annoying clipboard with her.

"Well, Miss Stuttgart, I was wondering if I could be present during your class today. You see, I have the report on teach-…"

"I know, Pinky, you've already told me."

Fay interrupted her, and Umbridge's face started to turn an interesting – and absolutely not healthy – shade of red and purple.

"W-what did you just call me?"

Umbridge screeched, and Fay only raised her eyebrows until Umbridge had calmed down enough to listen to what she was about to say.

"First of all then yes, I called you Pinky because of that sweater you're wearing, and second then yes it's alright that you're present during this class."

Fay smirked at the flabbergasted Undersecretary who then started walking over to a little chair in the back of the classroom, just as the students started arriving.

'_Oh this is gonna be fun… Too bad Dumbledore isn't here to see this.'_

Fay thought as the students got themselves seated, and Fay poured more coffee in her empty cup.

…

Dumbledore sneezed violently all of a sudden, causing Hagrid to jump a bit.

"Are yer a'right, Professor?"

The Half-giant asked carefully, and gave Dumbledore his handkerchief.

"Oh I'm fine, Hagrid. Thanks for asking though."

The Headmaster said before he gave back the handkerchief, and then shook his head.

Maybe hiring a Fairy wasn't such a good idea after all…

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Review please!


	3. Chapter 3: Pinky the Toad

Third chapter out! GREAT! Also my writing style will differ a bit until I've found out which looks best. I'm probably gonna stick with either this type or the one in chapter 2!

**I don't own Harry Potter… only this lousy poster of Daniel Radcliff with hairy arms… *glares evilly at everyone close***

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Chapter 3: Pinky the Toad

"ATTENTION EVERYONE!"

Fay screamed as soon as the last kid had been seated, and they all jumped – Umbridge too – in sheer shock. They all glared at her like she was crazy but Fay just grinned at them all and then started pacing back and forth in front of her desk.

"So… you're the fifth year-students huh?" she raised an eyebrow when no one uttered a word, and they all hastily nodded so they wouldn't call forth some terrible wrath.

Again they all nodded, and she noticed that some of the Slytherines looked paler than when they had entered the room.

"Relax I'm not gonna bite yer heads off! I just thought that it would be funny to see how you would react, if something suddenly snuck up on you." Fay giggled, and watched with amusement as her students' faces went from horrified to confused and then angry, for some people, but Fay kept on giggling at them.

"Hey I have needs too ya know! Besides you all looked constipated. No offense." She whined, and sat back at the desk while letting her legs swing back and forth.

Now they all just glared at her like she was mentally disturbed.

"Alrighty then let's start with introductions! You over there! I mean the guy with the blond hair and those cute eyes!" Fay said loudly, and pointed at Malfoy who looked flustered for some reason and he muttered: "I'm Draco Malfoy." before he looked down again with a not so pleasant red color on his cheeks.

From then on Fay gave everyone who looked flustered some strange nicknames like 'Flower-boy' for Neville, 'Glass-goose' for Harry and 'Berryhead' for Ron just to name a few.

The worst however was that she continued calling them the names, until she had remembered what their actual names were, which apparently was hard, since she tended to forget them as quickly as they all told her.

Finally, after all had been introduced to the teacher, she walked over to the blackboard behind her, and wrote her name with graceful letters.

"My name," she looked back at the students and Umbridge with the same kinda creepy smile plastered on her face, "is Fay Stuttgart, but I don't really like my name so you can all call me 'Fixie' instead alright?"

Hermione raised her shaking hand, and Fay pointed at her.

"Shoot Granger." She smiled soothingly at the girl who then asked: "Well… Professor Fa-… er… Fixie. I was wondering about the books we were told to get. You see, there's nothing about actual practicing of spells."

Fay nodded, and then she looked at Umbridge with a piercing gaze.

"As some of you may know… Miss Umbridge was originally the one to educate you all this year but, by the time I had been chosen as a replacement, the list of books was already sent out so I couldn't do anything." Fay continued to glare at Umbridge who suddenly got busy with her clipboard, but the DADA-teacher didn't stop there.

"However, I personally don't give a thestral's ass for those books the Ministry has issued, so I took the liberty to get these books for ya'll. You can buy them from me and the gold will be transferred from your vaults to the store." she said with another smile as she held up a black book with silver letters on the cover, while she completely ignored the mix of horrified, hopeful, and grinning faces that stared at her.

"MISS STUTTGART! What do you think you're telling these children?" Umbridge suddenly shouted, and Fay looked at her with raised eyebrows before she said: "Jezz Dolores, I didn't know that you had a thing for melodrama but I can play along if you wanna?"

Umbridge fumed with anger as she glared at the Fairy, who then turned her back to her, while saying: "I just stated my mind, and since we're living in a free country – it's called _democracy_ if you don't know – I have a right to tell – and say – what I want."

Umbridge still glared at her, and screeched: "That doesn't mean that you can curse before them! What were you thinking?"

Fay narrowed her eyes, and said: "You asked me if you could be present during this class, but I don't think that I told you to interrupt my lesson. Leave. Now."

Umbridge looked taken aback as her eyes widened when a wave of strange energy started swirling around her, and she backed towards the door.

"Don't come back here… you've seen enough. Just go, and never… come… back." Fay whispered as she walked closer to Umbridge, who looked like she was in a daze.

"B-but I… my report…" Umbridge muttered before her eyes glazed completely over, and then she said: "Yes of course. You're right Miss Stuttgart. I've everything I need."

Fay smirked as Umbridge turned around, and then she walked out of the door with a smile on her face and a full clipboard.

"Now then… where were we?" Fay asked as soon as the door had closed, and everyone in the classroom stared at their teacher.

Hermione quickly raised her hand again, and Fay barely nodded towards her before she was blown backwards with the roar of excited wizards and witches, who all wanted to know what she had done to make Umbridge leave.

"QUIET EVERYONE!" Fay screamed, and glared at them all before she continued. "Granger asked for permission to speak! Not everyone at the same time dammit! Take it easy!"

She glared slightly annoyed at their blushing faces before she said: "Tell me what you were thinking Granger."

Hermione nodded, and then looked around nervously, before she asked: "Professor… that was a charming spell correct?" Fay nodded, and Hermione looked even more flustered than before. "But… you didn't use your wand at all! Why is that?"

Hermione looked confused – and outraged for some weird reason – but Fay just smiled and said: "Yes Hermione, I didn't use my wand for this spell, because I've always been able to do it without one… just as I can do this."

Fay closed her eyes, and then her face started to turn more sinister. Her little nose started growing to become more hawk-like, and her beautiful reddish brown hair turned shorter and greasier.

Everyone stared as their DADA-teacher transformed into their – in some cases dreaded – Potions Master, Severus Snape.

"Holy shit! She's a bloody metamorphmagi!" Ron muttered, and Fay's/Snape's eyes stared at him with an iciness that could have frozen the blood of Satan.

"Nobody swears in this classroom except the teacher, Ron Weasley!" Snape – er Fay – said with a feminine voice, which made everyone, except the Slytherines who looked horrified, howl in laughter.

A few – Harry included – actually started fantasizing what would happen if Snape sounded like that in real life. The outcome would probably be catastrophic.

However it was sure that Fay had just made the day for the fifth years.

…

It was fair to say that everyone had been having the most exciting DADA-lesson to date, although the first years who had been introduced to their new teacher looked like they had seen a monster being born in front of them… well that was how Ron and Harry put it.

At dinner nothing else was spoken of than Fay's overkill of awesomeness in the classroom against Umbridge, who seemed to look a bit vain "for some odd reason" to put it simple.

Fay herself was grinning like a madwoman, as she glanced at the eating kids over her glass of wine. She was more than happy with herself, and enjoyed how Pinky the Toad – from now on that was her private nickname for that god awful woman! – jumped every time Fay addressed her by name.

"I hear that you were able to cast a wandless – and might I add silent – charm earlier this day. That is quite impressive." Flitwick said in a praising tone during the meal, and Fay blushed before she bowed down to his ear and whispered: "Don't tell this to Snape, but I actually transformed into him when I wanted to scare them fifth years a bit."

Flitwick stared at her with utter and delightful shock in his eyes, before his face cracked into a wide grin, and he nodded discretely.

She liked Flitwick. He was funny, had a large supply of good advice and, surprisingly enough, he was a hilarious comedian.

"Well I'm gonna retire early for the night, I think. I'm a bit tired despite my abuse of coffee today." Fay explained to Flitwick, and then headed towards her room.

"Yet another day of having fun by tormenting Miss Pinky the Toad and Ministry lackey. Maybe I should let loose one of those creeps that Hagrid seem so fond of in her room…" Fay muttered, as she walked past a few students in a hallway, close to the DADA-classroom.

She grinned as she unlocked her door, and walked inside her chambers.

Her room had been made bigger with a few simple spells, so now her room no longer was as cramped as it used to be.

She plopped down on her big four poster bed, and swung her crossed legs back and forth a few minutes before she headed for her bathroom.

Tossing her clothes in a pile beside the door leading to her bathroom, she looked into a mirror on her wall and frowned a few seconds before her face started changing.

Her cheekbones got more curved, her eyes grew a bit larger than before, and her ears got a bit pointier than before.

A sad smile appeared on her lips as she took in her Original Shape, and then she erased what had just happened within a few seconds.

"It's nothing but petty illusions." She muttered as she stepped into her tub, and prepared for a long soak followed by a glass of her favorite booze.

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Review please!

**(Quick note): Yes I know that this is short but I soooooo wanted to get that damn chapter out, and right now I'm pretty empty for ideas. If you have some ideas on how Umbridge – or Pinky the Toad – can get bitchslapped back to the Stone Age then please tell me with a review!**


	4. Chapter 4: Hangover sucks

I'm gonna stick with chapter 2's writing style. But hey you never know if my crazy mind reverses back to its former style!

_**Thanks to Sora's Heartless, Guest (Yes Harry's survival would be a fucking miracle!), Vampire from Hell and Ebru Gunduz Lestrange for the fantastic reviews! I lub you guys!**_

**I don't own Harry Potter… however I'm the owner of a piss-poor wand I once made in woodwork studies!**

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Chapter 4: Hangover sucks

The second day at Hogwarts didn't seem like the brightest day ever. Not only had Fay woken up with a killer headache, but even Mother Nature herself seemed to mock her with rain the entire morning.

"Fuck my life…"

She muttered, as she shoved down her twentieth cup of coffee, while she waited for her class of sixth years to barge in and make a dreadful amount of noise.

"I can't believe I drank that entire bottle last night."

She groaned and she winced every time the raindrops hit the windows. She had summoned a few house elves, and asked for something light to eat that morning, since her head had left her unable to join the rest of the school in the Great Hall.

After what seemed like a lifetime she could hear the sound of approaching footsteps of excited students, and Fay whimpered before she unlocked the door from her desk, and redeemed herself to a painful day.

"If I survive this day, I swear I won't ever drink another glass of _Ogden's Firewhiskey_ on a workday!"

She muttered just as the door opened, and Fay waited patiently for everyone to get seated before she departed into her room, and found the empty bottle of Firewhiskey from where she had thrown it last night.

When she came back she plopped it down on her desk, and glared irritated at the whispering class before her.

"Before we begin this lesson let me tell you this: _NEVER_ drink two shots of Firewhiskey after dinner, if you have to work, study or do something important the next day."

Fay growled before she strained to get her usual grin up and running on the face, and she bit back the urge to vomit in dismay as she started explaining the difference on Inferi and dead bodies.

…

Harry listened uninterested in what Professor Flitwick said, as he looked out of the window while he wondered about the next DADA lesson. Professor Fixie had promised that they could start off with one of the things they normally would learn when they were sixth years: silent spellcasting.

It had made Hermione go into overdrive, and she had spent the entire evening in the Gryffindor Common Room bitching – it was the only right word for it if someone asked Ron, Harry, or any other Gryffindor that evening – about all the advantages they would get when they graduated, so it was fair to say that Harry wasn't really looking forward to the lesson, even though it sounded quite enticing.

**flashback**

"…_so you see, Harry, that's why we'll have the advantage next year!" _

_Hermione finished with an excited grin plastered on her face, but Harry just looked at her like she had sprouted horns and wings. _

"_You… didn't hear a word of what I said, did you Harry?" _

_Hermione asked with rising anger in her voice, and Harry dutifully shook his head, and winced when Hermione whacked him with her Potions book again. Damn, didn't she know that that thing was fucking dangerous?_

"_I can't believe you Harry!" _

_She cried out, and glared irritated at the Boy Who Lived, but Harry just shrugged and looked at Hermione with a pretty bored look in his eyes. _

"_Hermione it's not that big of a deal! Yes so we'll learn something we first should learn in our sixth year, but for Heaven's sake! Take it easy!"_

_Harry exclaimed, and rubbed his temples. Ron looked at him with sympathy but the red-head didn't dare interfere with the hot-headed brunette, who currently was shooting death-glares in Harry's direction. _

_Hermione snorted in outrage, and then stomped out of the Common Room without glancing at Harry or Ron as if she tried to ignore them. _

"_Women…" _

_Ron muttered as he glanced at Harry who just nodded, and then fished up his DADA-homework about the basics of silent spellcasting. _

**end of flashback**

Finally Flitwick stopped his speech about that their future depended on the grades they would receive this year etc., and they began practicing the Summoning Charms Flitwick had presented to them.

By the end of the double Charms lesson only Hermione – and a single Ravenclaw – was able to use not all but a few of them, which earned Gryffindor and Ravenclaw twenty point each.

Next off was a double Transfiguration lesson, where McGonagall gave them the almost exact same speech about O.W.L.'s, and then told them to start making snails vanish.

Again only a few – this time Harry was included – succeeded, so they were excused from homework.

After that Harry and Ron wolfed down lunch before they took care of their Care of Magical Creature-homework, and after that it was Herbology where the Hufflepuff Prefect Ernie MacMillan loudly declared that he, and his entire family, believed in Harry's and Dumbledore's story about Voldemort's revival, which gave Harry's self-confidence quite the boost, and before Harry knew it he was on his way for Quidditch practice.

"Hey Hermione… you wouldn't have to know a spell that would keep my glasses from getting wet or anything?"

Harry asked as he entered the Common Room, after heading up to get his broom, but Hermione shook her head.

"Sorry Harry, but I'm not a walking encyclopedia for spells you know."

She looked at him while shaking her head slightly, and ignoring Ron's confused expression.

"What's an encyclo-whatsitsname?"

The poor red-head asked, and Hermione began explaining as simple as possible what the word meant, while she scribbled down the last details on her homework for Potions.

Just before Harry walked out of the portrait-hole that covered the entrance to the Gryffindor Tower, he heard Ron exclaim: "I still don't get it 'Mione!" and Harry chuckled evilly on his female friend's injustice, before he got it together and walked towards the Quidditch-pitch.

…

It was a scowling Harry who arrived in the Gryffindor Common Room, with a tail of angry – not to mention dripping wet – Gryffindor Quidditch Teammates right behind him. Practice had been horrible because of the rain, and they had flown around aimlessly for the better part of two and a half hours, before Angelina had sent them down to change.

"Don't sweat it, Harry. I'm sure that next practice will be better!"

Hermione said as she tried to cheer up her friend, without bringing his rage down upon her.

Harry glared annoyed at Hermione a few seconds, before he sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands.

"Somebody just kill me… we're never gonna win this year, if it keeps on raining like this!"

He whimpered before he stood up and shook his hand, as he walked up to his dorm. What he needed right now was just to get dinner over with, and then he only wanted to snuggle with his pillows the next few hours.

It wasn't long before Ron got up, and then started a full-blown conversation about the finer details in that tackle Harry had done, when that Bludger had flown towards him.

…

Fay sighed happily as she downed a huge glass of water in one strike. Flitwick was staring at her with concern, seeing as she hadn't really shown herself the whole day except when it was lunch.

"Are you sure that you're alright, Miss Stuttgart?"

The Charms Professor asked carefully, as he had acknowledged from the sixth years that had started with her this morning that she had been in a horribly foul mood. They didn't tell him the reason, other than they had sworn never to touch a drop of alcohol during the days where there was school, so Flitwick knew that she most likely had been suffering from a major hangover.

"I was stupid enough to take a few shots of Firewhiskey last night, Flitwick, even though I'm not that good at holding my liquor… nothing else."

Fay said quietly, and winced at the memory of the horrible headache that had haunted her the entire morning and noon.

"If you say so Miss Stuttgart…"

Flitwick was cut off, when Umbridge decided to rub some salt in Fay's wounds – something that Flitwick didn't deem a very wise idea.

"You were drinking last night? What in the world were you thinking?"

Umbridge's shrill voice cut the wonderful silence like a butcher's knife, and Fay was inwardly stabbing the damn woman repeatedly with a dull spoon, just to extend her suffering.

"I only had two shots of it, Umbridge. It's not like I downed the entire bottle."

Fay growled, as she glared at the woman beside her with an impressive strength.

Actually then Fay _had_ downed the entire bottle of Firewhiskey. She wasn't an alcoholic, but she had always liked a strong drink when the opportunity was right before her, and she simply had forgotten to stop.

Umbridge looked at her with a smug gaze before she turned her attention back to her dinner, while trying to ignore Fay's Glare of Death which seemed to be even stronger than when Umbridge had interrupted her lesson about the books that the Ministry had issued.

"I read that book you want the students to work with, and I must say that it was quite intriguing."

Flitwick said with a smile, as he tried to ease the tense atmosphere between the two females, and Fay returned it weakly.

"I'm glad that you liked it, Flitwick. Perhaps you could tell me what your impression on the society of Giants is?"

Fay asked, and soon enough the two colleagues were so deep into their conversation, that they didn't hear Umbridge talking to them at all, before she – quite rudely – interrupted them.

"_Ahem_… I just wanted to say, Miss Stuttgart that I told the Minister about you, and he seemed quite persistent to meet you at some point. I hope that during the next weekend you would be free to go to the Ministry?"

Umbridge looked hopeful for some reason, and with all these witnesses that most likely would force her to accept the proposal, Fay hesitantly nodded as she poured more water into her glass.

"Sure why not? If I'm lucky then I could get a photo of the Minister and me together. That would be awesome."

She muttered, and Umbridge literally beamed like a lighthouse at the last remark.

"Oh, I'm sure that the Minister would be more than delighted to have a photo taken with you. I'm quite sure."

Umbridge muttered the last part, but Fay wasn't finished talking yet.

"Besides… I have to register in the Ministry anyways. I'm a metamorphmagi, so the timing couldn't be more perfect. Thanks Dolores!"

The Fairy smiled brightly, blinding the Senior Undersecretary a few seconds, before the pink-clad woman blushed a few moments, and then turned her attention back to her dinner once again.

Fay grinned, as she thought of all the ways she could mess with Umbridge on the way to the Ministry. This was going to be a weekend worth remembering.

Review please!

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**(Quick note) Again a short chapter but you can all look forward to Fay's arrival in the Ministry. If any of you have ideas on how she can raise Hell in there feel free to send a PM or gimme a review! **


	5. Chapter 5: The Past

Forgive me if this chapter seems a bit sexual but it only fit the fucked up mind that Fay has in some of these situations. Note at the end of the chapter!

_**Thanks to Vampire from Hell and Ebru Gunduz Lestrange for the great reviews! I lub you guys!**_

**I don't own Harry Potter… but I'm more than ready to break the fourth wall to go get him!**

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Chapter 5: The Past

Wednesday and Thursday was just as dull as Tuesday where nothing exciting really happened, except that someone had decided to pull a prank on the new teacher.

Fay had woken the entire castle with a roar of dimensions no one thought was capable of, and had made all the students swarm around her door until she finally had emerged from her room, wrapped in a huge, fluffy towel, with wet, bright pink hair.

She had sent glares to everyone who was even close to snorting in amusement, but that hadn't stopped a few Slytherines from snickering loudly which earned them a solid whack over the head, and a few weeks detention with Fay.

"Which one of you goddamn morons have done this to my shampoo? I want the person front and center this instant!"

She roared, and everyone present winced as they looked at the pink-haired, pissed off teacher before them.

"Miss Fay, it really isn't that much of a problem. You're a metamorphmagi, are you not? Surely you can just change the color of your hair."

Umbridge's voice cut through the masses of students and teachers who all hastily made way for the Ministry lackey. Umbridge was smiling at the sight of Fay's pink hair, but her sadistic happiness was rather quickly cut short when she got a glimpse of the scowl that adorned Fay's face.

"Since _you_ seem to like it so much then perhaps you could tell me who did it, Dolores?"

Fay hissed as she shot the older woman glares that could freeze the blood of Satan, and Umbridge visibly grew smaller before the furious young woman.

"Well Pinky I'm waitin'." Fay hissed, and crossed her arms as Umbridge blushed violently when she heard the nickname Fay had given her make snickers appear amongst the students and the teachers as well.

"I don't know what you are talking about, other than that you're angry because someone apparently changed something that belongs to you."

Umbridge said confidently, but Fay wasn't calmed down.

"You don't seem to get something, Dolores. It isn't as easy to keep your original hair-color and eye-color as it sounds, when you're a metamorphmagi. If your concentration is broken, then there's no telling what you'll look like."

Fay snarled, and a few moments her eyes flashed from their normal greenish gold color to bright aqua, while her hair turned bright neon-green with fuchsia-pink stripes.

The murmurs around her quickly informed Fay that something was wrong, and with a quick glance at a few hair-strands she muttered something that sounded like a curse, and then she closed her eyes as her hair returned to the brownish red it always had been.

"I expect the culprit – or _culprits_ – to meet up at my office tonight after dinner… if they have the balls to do so, that is."

Fay glared at all the assembled people before her door, before she loudly strode through the classroom and slammed her door shut as soon as she was inside.

McGonagall sighed softly as she rubbed her forehead soothingly, and then turned her attentions at all the students.

"What do you think that you're doing here? Breakfast will start soon, so get moving!"

The Deputy Headmistress ushered them all on their way back to their dorms, before she turned around to glare at Umbridge.

"You should go, and get ready too Dolores."

McGonagall continued to glare at the Undersecretary for at least five more minutes, before the two females turned around and left in their separate directions.

…

The first thing Harry noticed, when all the Gryffindors got back to the Common Room, was that Fred and George had not even reached the stairs to their dorm before they bent over laughing hysterically to the big amusement of Lee Jordan.

"You moronic, idiotic imbeciles! What if she finds out that you were the ones to do that to her hair?"

Hermione shouted angrily, but Ron just slipped an arm around her shoulder and smiled like a madman.

"Hermione, they were bloody amazing! I can't believe that her hair changed color like that!"

Ron exclaimed in amusement, but Hermione's lips became a thin line and she stomped up to her dorm with a snort.

"You are so bloody awesome guys!"

Ron grinned, and even Harry let a little smirk form on his lips. The scene with Professor Fay standing there in nothing else but a towel had made him want to stab every male who was looking at her repeatedly with a dull spoon. Everything about her had screamed 'come and get me tiger!' as she stood there fresh from a bath, and Harry would be lying if he denied that he wanted to jump her.

"Hello? Earth attempting to reach a mister Harry Potter. We should go and get ready before breakfast!"

Ron said, and grinned when his spectacled friend looked around in a daze.

"Ah… I think that Harry was thinking about the lovely Fay all nice and wrapped in that towel."

Fred snickered, and Harry flushed bright red as his eyes locked onto the floor, and now both twins and Ron was laughing at him. Hesitantly Harry joined the laughter for a short time, before he with a shaking head walked to his dorm to get ready.

…

Harry winced as he heard the door to Fay's room open, and when a few classmates dared to glance up at their teacher they were met by a blinding smile. Fay was dressed in a tight T-shirt, and a pair of shorts that made more than one boy in the classroom raise their eyebrows, and now she was sitting in a _very_ provocative manner, and looked at everyone with a devious look in her eyes.

"Can anyone here tell me what silent spellcasting is? Oh, and Hermione please let someone else give an answer. I know that you know it already but please, hun, let the other houses have a bit of dignity."

Fay looked out at the crowd, and smiled when her eyes landed on Dean Thomas' face.

"Dean… could you answer the question?"

Fay asked, and Dean nodded absentmindedly while he continued staring at her long legs.

"I'm waiting."

Fay said as she studied one of her fingernails, while ignoring Hermione's hand in the air. She wouldn't let the Gryffindor Prefect get away with this one. She was going to sit back, and Fay would be damned if she gave in to her annoyance and just let the girl do it anyway. Dean had still not answered her as he looked around for help, but none could help him with this one.

Finally a long sigh was heard from the desk, and Fay's gaze swept over the classroom only to grin when her eyes fell upon Draco.

"Malfoy… please tell the rest of the class what silent spellcasting is."

Fay purred as she walked over to the blackboard, and with a few whips with her wand the chalk levitated in the air and was prepared to write whatever she wanted.

"W-well if you cast a silent – or nonverbal – spell then your opponent won't have any time to prepare against your attack. It gives you a bit more defense if you play your cards good enough."

The blonde boy stammered, and Fay nodded approvingly before she nodded towards the chalk that started writing fact down.

"Well done Malfoy. Ten points to Slytherin, and five extra because I like the choice of words you used."

Fay giggled, and sat on her desk as she searched in the book she had purchased for the entire class.

"Now I want you all to start at chapter 16 where the author explain-… _yes_ Granger, what is it?"

Fay groaned inwardly, as Hermione hesitated a few seconds before she finally gathered the courage to ask her teacher.

"Professor… this book is illegal here in Britain. We are not supposed to know some of the things written in this book, so I find it a little strange that Professor Dumbledore approved of this."

Hermione looked into Fay's beautiful eyes, that softened as they gazed at the Gryffindor Prefect, and Fay nodded.

"Yes it is true that I didn't exactly get permission from the Ministry to use these books, but I grew up with that book as bedtime stories and I expect you to read it to the end."

Fay glared into Hermione's brown eyes, and the girl finally backed down but not before she had asked one final question.

"Professor I have one last question… why did you come to Hogwarts? Did you owe Professor Dumbledore a favor, or was it something else?"

Fay froze when she heard Hermione's last question. She couldn't tell the class why she had come to Hogwarts. She couldn't tell them of her heritage… why? Why did Hermione Granger have to be so observant about fucking everything? Fay was surprised when she felt hate blossom in her heart as she looked at the Prefect from Gryffindor for a few moments.

"The reason for me coming here to Hogwarts is between me and Dumbledore, but I can tell you one thing about it. I am here to make sure that your sorry asses will get through this year, without anyone killing a teacher or something else that's sure to be fatal."

Fay smirked inwardly as she looked at the shocked faces in class, but then she fastened her eyes at Harry who looked right back at her in defiance.

"Professor, that isn't an answer."

Harry said before he thought it over, and the class fell silent. Fay stared at him a few seconds before she shook her head, and smiled at him with fake joy.

"You will stay after class, Mr. Potter."

Fay said silently as she turned around and asked them all to open their books and start reading the short chapter about silent spellcasting, but for the rest of the lesson Fay was abnormally quiet. Harry let his eyes graze Fay's persona a few times, but every time he did he only saw eyes full of pain. She was hurting, and badly.

Finally the lesson was over, and Harry stayed behind as he had been told to.

Fay walked over to his desk, and sat down at the chair before it.

"I… I ran away. I ran away from my home six months ago, and met Dumbledore about two weeks after. When Dolores Umbridge was appointed, he asked me for help and I accepted. There's nothing more than that to it, Harry."

She whispered, and looked down at the floor. A few minutes after she looked up at him again, but now her eyes were full of worry.

"Dumbledore told me that I had to keep an eye on you, Harry. He said I should tell you that if _anything_ – and he did mean _anything _– happened, then you should come to me. I know that your scar gives you an oneway ticket into Voldemort's thoughts, and I know that it scares you, but I have a few ways to make sure it will get more difficult for him to interfere with your head."

Fay smiled gently at him before she pointed towards the door with her wand, and narrowed her eyes. With a little pop the door opened, and revealed Hermione, Ron and the Twins standing with an Extendable Ear to the door.

"That'll be five points from Gryffindor for eavesdropping. And then you gain twenty points, because of that magnificent way to actually _eavesdrop_."

Fay grinned at their flabbergasted expression, but then Fred and George chuckled a few moments and looked at their Teacher with a mischievous look in their eyes.

"We can give you a discount, Professor. Five Sickles for ten pairs."

They said in unison, and Fay grinned as she nodded and threw the money from her pocket to the two boys.

"Sweet. Our very first customer with authority."

One of them muttered, and then they said in unison:

"You can expect them tomorrow after dinner."

"I'll look forward to it."

Fay grinned, and then ushered Harry out of the classroom.

…

After dinner was finished, Harry found himself in the Common Room together with Hermione and Ron doing the last changes in their homework for tomorrow.

"I _hate_ Potions… why do we even have to write that bloody essay?"

Ron grumbled, and Hermione sighed heavily. It was nearing midnight, they were the only ones still up, and they _still_ weren't done.

"It's not that hard Ron. Just explain why hellebore is so…"

Harry zoned out as he found himself captured by the fire. It was almost as if it was blinking to him. It was urging him to lean closer, and closer. It was as if the fire wanted to speak to him.

Just as he was about to turn his head away he heard a noise from the fire, and once again his attention was centered on the fire.

"Sirius!"

Ron suddenly exclaimed, before Hermione slapped the back of his head with a book nearby.

"Be quiet Ron! What if somebody heard you?"

The female Prefect hissed in annoyance, and then turned her head towards the fire where Harry now was in the way for her to see anything at all.

"Sirius, I'm glad that you're alright!"

Harry said warmly, and looked at his Godfather with the happiest eyes Hermione had seen him with since Dolores Umbridge had appeared here on Hogwarts.

"You shouldn't worry like that, Harry. I'm good where I am, but I didn't contact you simply to chit-chat with you… I hear that you have a new teacher."

Sirius looked honestly excited about it, and Harry soon found out why.

"Fay decided to join the staff on Hogwarts? Damn."

Sirius looked worried a few moments before he continued.

"Dumbledore brought her to Grimmauld Place about five months ago. He said that she was going to join the Order."

Harry frowned before he looked back at Hermione and Ron, who both shrugged. They had no idea what Sirius was talking about.

"Well do you know anything about her, Sirius? She wasn't willing to share much about her past with us."

Hermione asked, and Sirius turned his gaze towards her.

"I wouldn't be surprised, if she didn't tell you anything at all. That girl had some problems back home, and Dumbledore asked us not to tell anyone about her. Apparently she's a…"

Sirius was interrupted when the sound of footsteps reached everyone's ears, and he disappeared from the fire just as Ginny appeared with sleepy eyes, unruly hair and in a white nightgown.

"Whaddya all doin' this la'e guys?"

She asked sleepily as she looked around, and Hermione smiled softly as she walked over and steered Ginny back upstairs to her dorm, while muttering something to the girl.

"Well we better get to bed too, anyway."

Ron muttered as soon as Hermione and his sister were out of sight, and Harry nodded with a sullen expression dominating his face.

"Hey don't sweat it mate. He'll contact us again as soon as it's safe."

Ron said as he laid his hand on Harry's shoulder, and led his friend upstairs. Harry however continued to sulk about the interruption with Sirius. He had missed his Godfather like crazy, and now that Sirius had shed a bit of light on Fay's past, the chance for leaning more had slipped away like it was nothing more than sand in the wind.

'_I wonder what Sirius was about to say… he said that she was a… something.'_

Harry's thoughts were interrupted when Ron's loud snores reached his ears, and the Boy Who Lived chuckled lightly as he pulled of his glasses and lied down on his bed.

…

Fay stared at the picture in her hands with malice.

'_Now that you're one of us, you simply _have_ to get that dragon tattoo! Come on!'_

Fay stiffened as she remembered Heta's voice. He'd dragged her down to the nearest tattoo-store, and then her shoulder had been eternally marked by that black silhouette-dragon.

"I was a fool if I thought that I could forget about the Fifth Division… they'll never let me go."

She muttered as she looked at the picture again, but this time her eyes softened as she remembered her first time in the Division.

**flashback**

_Fay didn't even blink as she looked at the men before her. They were all training, and the entire place reeked of sweat, booze, and men. _

"_This is the place I have to train in? Seems like nothing but a big pile of dirt to me."_

_Fay muttered as she looked around with disgust in her eyes, but one of the men training heard her and walked over to the young girl. _

"_Oi Princess, the pony-ride isn't in this part of the city. Go play with yer dollies some'ere else."_

_The man looked at her with a stupid grin, which showed Fay that he was missing more than six teeth in his upper mouth. She wrinkled her nose as the stench of sweat and bad hygiene reached her nostrils, and she snorted in disgust which only provoked the man further. _

"_Oi, are yer listening to me fucking brat?" _

_He roared, and Fay glared up into his eyes. _

"_I am the new member you probably have been informed about, but I have yet to be impressed. The Fifth Division is supposed to be the best of the best, and yet all I see is a bunch of stinking, obnoxious men who hasn't seen a bathroom for over a week."_

_Fay growled, and the man stepped back in surprise. _

"You_ are the new member? Did we get a _girl_ as a new recruit? King Almighty, what the hell was Captain Silverleaf thinking?"_

"_Captain Silverleaf was thinking that this is the most decent recruit we've had in years, since you lot tend to scare them away."_

_Fay's eyes widened, and she turned around to look up at an impressive-looking man. He had long platinum-blond hair that was tied up into a ponytail, and he was wearing a complete set of chainmail. _

"_C-Captain! I'm sorry I didn't see yer there!" _

_The reeking soldier said as he straightened his composure and saluted his superior, but the Captain didn't even look at him. _

"_I am terribly sorry for this Miss Stuttgart, but I hope that you still wishes to become part of the Fifth Division. If there's anything I can do, then please tell me."_

_The Captain smiled at her like she was nothing more than a bratty kid who demanded attention all the time, and Fay felt her temper rise to the next level. _

"_I don't expect – nor do I need – special treatment simply because I'm a female child. I would appreciate it if you would treat me like everyone else."_

**end of flashback**

Four guys and then herself was smiling to the picture, and they all – with the exception of one – had their arms wrapped around each other's shoulders.

Heta was standing with his arms crossed, and glared at the camera with irritation, but his lips were stating that he wasn't as annoyed as he pretended to be. They were curved in a tiny smile, but other than that his composure was as perfect as ever.

"Damn you Heta with all of your perfect leadership, and perfect composure, and spotless records…"

Fay growled as she threw the picture across the room, and it hit the wall with a loud crack. Splinters of glass were covering the floor, and Fay muttered something she didn't even recognize herself but the glass splinters disappeared nonetheless.

"I'm just a fuckup… I'm a fuckup, and that's all I'll ever be."

She muttered before she stomped off to her bed, and pulled the covers up to her chin as tears ran down her cheeks.

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**Review please!**

**(Quick note) In the next chapter Fay will go to the Ministry for registration as a metamorphmagi and to meet the Minister... which we all know can only end in tragedy for the Ministry. If any of you have an idea on how Fay can mindfuck Fudge please leave a review!**


	6. Chapter 6: Off to the Ministry

New chapter! YAAAAAAAAY!

_**Thanks to 'Sora's Heartless' for the great review!**_

**I don't own Harry Potter but I've always wanted to kidnap him!**

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Chapter 6: Off to the Ministry!

Fay looked around with worried eyes as she and Dolores neared the guest-entrance to the Ministry. It was not that she didn't look forward to see the Ministry of Magic, she was thrilled, but she was worried that someone might find out what she was other than a metamorphmagi.

"Excited? Well I can understand that it must affect you to finally see the Ministry."

Dolores chirped as she pulled Fay into a phonebooth and smirked all over her face.

"Why're you so happy Dolores? It's just a visit to the Ministry."

Fay looked confused at her female companion, who started pressing a lot of buttons inside the phonebooth, and with a little shake it started moving downwards much to Fay's surprise.

"B-but Muggles are walking around like it's a part of their daily routine, and they don't see a problem with this? Won't they see the phonebooth disappear underground?"

Fay looked utterly fascinated at Dolores who smiled just as radiantly back, before she shook her head, and looked at Fay with what seemed to be pity in her eyes.

"Oh no dear… there's a charm on the booth that prevents Muggles from seeing it at all. They all believe that it's just a broken booth that never gets fixed."

Dolores sounded so sure of herself that Fay wanted to snort with laughter, but she reminded herself that she was about to see the Minister of Magic, as well as see the Ministry, for the first time and she didn't want a sour Dolores with her the entire time.

…

Sirius glared at the letter before him. It was almost as if the paper was mocking him with its words. He could hear Kreacher mumble something to his late mother, but what the damn house-elf was actually saying couldn't be heard.

"Of all the bad luck we can get! Damn those Fairies!"

The outlaw muttered as he glared at the flimsy – in his opinion – handwriting, before he grabbed the letter to read it through again to make sure that he hadn't missed anything.

_Mr. Sirius Black_

_It has come to my notice that you, and a certain 'Order of the Phoenix', recently recruited a female known as Fae Stuttgart. I am sorry to inform you that as a member of the Fae Empire – as well as a high seated commander – Miss Stuttgart does not have any relation to you humans whatsoever. If she is not sent back to the Main Europe before the end of this week, then I the Fifth Division Commander, Heta Silverleaf, will personally come to get her out of the damn school she has taken refuge in. _

_Sincerely _

_Commander, Captain, as well as the Advisor of High Empress Alayionay, Heta Silverleaf_

"We're so screwed… Dumbledore better get this letter as soon as possible."

Sirius muttered before he went out into the kitchen, where he wrote a short letter to Dumbledore about the letter he had gotten, and found Hedwig sitting on the back of a chair. The female owl howled softly at the sight of her master's Godfather, who gently picked her up and then gave her the letter along with a box with cookies in it.

"Get this letter to Dumbledore, and then give this box to Harry. Please hurry Hedwig."

Sirius muttered as he opened a window just enough for the owl to slip out of before anyone noticed it, and then it was quickly secured once again.

"I hate this life… I want to _do_ something!"

He mumbled as he sat down on a chair in the kitchen, just as he was reminded of when he had met Fay for the first time.

**flashback**

"_Sirius… this is Fay Stuttgart. She's the newest member of the Order of the Phoenix, as well as the new DADA-teacher. She is most skilled at fighting, so Harry will be safe this year." _

_Dumbledore said, as he gestured towards the excited-looking girl beside him at the kitchen-table. _

"_I'm glad to meet ya, Mr. Black! I am also quite honored that you trust me ta' keep your Godson safe and sound this year, since I've heard that it has been quite a mouthful for former teachers." _

_The girl, Fay Stuttgart, said as she looked at Sirius with big greenish golden eyes. Sirius felt himself be captivated by those stunning eyes a few moments, before he rubbed his head and then looked at Dumbledore. _

"_Well what am I supposed to do, Dumbledore? You're keeping me locked up in here so I don't get captured, so how in the world can I say no if you say that this girl is suitable?" _

_Sirius growled, only to receive a whack in the head from the girl before him. _

"_Oi, don't call me 'girl' like I'm a snotty brat, 'cause I'm not! Got it?" _

_She glared at him with a fire in her eyes that Sirius knew all too well. James used to have that same spark in his eyes, when he was up to something he was bound to get into trouble for doing._

_Sirius then grinned, and nodded to Dumbledore. _

"_I like her. Let's see if she lasts the year." _

**end of flashback**

Sirius shook his head as he massages his temples, and then he groaned softly. This was not going to end well...

…

Fay raised an eyebrow as the two women stood before a mahogany-door with golden door-handles, and she heard Umbridge giggle softly for some weird reason.

"So… this is the Minister's office?"

Fay's lifted eyebrows caused Dolores to frown in irritation, but the toady woman nodded nonetheless before she carefully knocked on the door which opened soon after to reveal a luxurious office.

Behind a mahogany-desk sat a man with a bowler, and the most naïve face Fay had ever seen. His eyes had dark circles underneath them which showed that this man hadn't gotten much sleep at all the last few days, and for a few seconds then Fay felt a pang of sympathy for the poor man, before she remembered what her status was. She was a part of the Order of the Phoenix, and that meant that she couldn't support or favor the Ministry at all.

"Mr. Fudge, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am Fay Stuttgart, the new DADA-teacher on Hogwarts."

Fay said as soon as the door had closed, and the girl bowed deeply before the man who surprised stared at her for a few moments, before he started chuckling softly, and walked around the desk to put a hand on Fay's shoulder.

"Please call me Cornelius, my dear, and the pleasure is all mine."

Cornelius' voice made Fay want to vomit, but she forced her stomach to settle down, and she straightened her back to look into Fudge's eyes.

"Dolores has told me much about you, Miss Stuttgart, and not all of it was reassuring… but we are not here to talk about the faults we humans have, so please take a seat! Dolores, would you be so kind and get us some tea and some biscuits?"

The Minister glared at Umbridge a few moments, and then the short woman disappeared out of the room, leaving Fay with Cornelius staring at her with piercing eyes.

"What are you?"

Fay's head snapped up to look at the Minister with wide eyes, that slowly filled with confusion.

"I beg you pardon?"

Her voice was shaking, and her hands started rubbing each other frantically as her eyes darted from place to place in the office. She knew that the Minister was sensing her unease, and he knew that she wasn't telling the truth.

"You are not like any other person… at least that is what Dolores has told me. You are a metamorphmagus."

Fay's stiff body relaxed, and then she started laughing sheepishly as she rubbed the back of her head, and she didn't reply at all for a few minutes.

"Well I guess you got me there... I was actually planning on getting registered in the Ministry today, but when Dolores told me that you wanted to meet me then I couldn't say no. It was actually perfect timing, sir."

Fay's eyes trapped Cornelius, who nodded as he puffed his chest out – clearly he was under her charming spell – in sheer male satisfaction. Fay herself giggled as Cornelius suddenly got a strange gleam in his eyes, and looked at her with fascinated eyes.

"Here I am with some tea and biscuits, Sir!"

Both snapped out of the cozy atmosphere they had felt when Umbridge's shrill voice cut through it like a razor, and Fay rolled her eyes before she muttered something under her breath that involved a dissecting-knife, Umbridge, and a few mad scientists.

"Ah thank you, Dolores. You are just in time to see Miss Fay to transform."

Cornelius smirked slightly when he saw Fay's outraged face expression, but when the two persons before her kept on staring at her she finally shrugged, and then she closed her eyes to concentrate.

Her face started turning paler than before, and her nose started disappearing into her face until only her nostrils were visible. Her feminine traits were gone in mere seconds, and then her hair started disappearing until her head was bald. She finally opened her eyes, but they weren't greenish-golden anymore. Instead they were ruby red.

"Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, you wouldn't mind giving me that title to me – Lord Voldemort – now would you?"

Fay's voice had turned raspy as if she was hissing, and she held out her hand towards the petrified Minister before her. His eyes were almost bulging out of his skull, as he stared right into the eyes of the person he denied had come back to life.

"S-stop it, for Heaven's sake, woman! Change back!"

Cornelius' face turned pale as snow as he stared at Voldemort's pale face, and Umbridge staggered backwards, after having dropped the tray where the tea and biscuits had been on. The warm liquid was soaking her clothes and the carpet, but she didn't even notice it in her fright.

"G-get out! Don't come back here!" Fudge roared, and Fay rose as eyebrow as she changed back in mere seconds, and then she quickly walked out of the door without uttering a word.

…

"You did _what_?"

Sirius, Lupin, and Molly Weasley stared at the Fairy who was chuckling of laughter before them, as she sipped on a mug full of coffee.

"You're brilliant! Simply brilliant! Oh James would have loved you, I'm sure!"

Sirius grinned as he started pacing back and forth in the kitchen, and then had to sit down a few seconds afterwards because he was laughing so hard.

"Oh no, you are going to get in trouble now Fay! Why did you do that?"

Molly looked at her with a lost look in her eyes, but Fay rolled her own and took another sip on her coffee before she looked at the Weasley Matriarch with a knowing look in her eyes.

"He had it coming, Molly! I don't like it when people force me to do stuff, like changing form! It gives me headaches like crazy!"

Fay's nonchalant comment had both Sirius and Lupin howling in laughter, but Molly sighed in defeat before she walked over to the kitchen-table, and picked up an envelope.

"Here you go Fay. It's from er… _your kind_."

Molly avoided Fay's eyes when she handed over the letter, and Fay frowned when she looked at the handwriting. Sirius and Lupin stopped laughing, and instead looked at the Fairy with worried eyes as her eyes widened while reading the letter.

"Heta…"

Her voice was barely hearable as she carefully folded the letter, and put it back in the envelope, before she grabbed her mug with shaking hands and stared at its content.

"I'm sorry for this. I didn't mean to let it happen."

She didn't look at the others around the table as she apologized, but Molly smiled softly and rubbed the girl's back as if to make her feel better, before she grabbed the letter and put it back on the kitchen-table.

"You should head back to Hogwarts, Fay. Oh, and don't worry about this at all. We'll fix it."

Lupin smiled at the girl who weakly nodded before she poured out the coffee, and then filled the mug with water. Silently she prepared to leave, before Sirius grabbed her arm and pulled her into a room.

"What is it, Sirius?"

Her voice was empty, and it was creeping Sirius severely out, but he managed to stay calm when he prepared to ask her about something.

"How is Harry? I haven't had much contact with him, other than a few words not long after he arrived at Hogwarts. He was very curious about you in particular."

Fay let the ghost of a smile roam her lips before she looked into Sirius' eyes, and she carefully pried his fingers off her wrist.

"He's fine. I've been teaching them about things they normally cover as 6th years like nonverbal spell-casting, but I just thought that they might need it."

"Thank you. It means a lot to me that he learns something he can use in his adult-life."

Sirius eyes warmed before he pulled something out of his pocket, and then he gave it to her. It was a little mirror-shard.

"Use this mirror-shard, if you ever need any help with that guy that sent me that letter. Dumbledore asked me to give it to you as a repercussion."

Fay's eyes widened slightly, and she smiled softly before she nodded and reached out towards the mirror-shard.

"Just say my name, and I will be there as fast as possible."

Sirius continued before he gave the shard to the Fairy who nodded, and then Fay hurried out of the door just as it started to rain.

…

Fay hurried down the dark streets of London, as she tried to reach the place where she had hid her broom. She should never have left it, but walking around with a broom looked quite suspicious no matter what, so she had decided to just make it temporarily invisible, but now it was raining so it would be even harder to find, than if it hadn't.

"Damn that British weather! Why did it have to rain _now_ of all times?"

She continued to mutter to herself as she walked into a dark alley close to the '_Leaky Cauldron'_, where she had hidden her broom, and started drying it to the best of her abilities with her already-drenched sleeves.

"I hope I don't catch a cold…"

Suddenly the sound of footsteps reached Fay's ears, and just as she was about to turn around she felt something pierce her shoulder. With a gasp of pain she collapsed on the ground, with blood flooding the wet and dirty pavement underneath her body.

"Wha-…"

She didn't even get enough time to say anything else, before someone kicked her harshly in the stomach so she was on her back, and her wide eyes stared into a white mask.

"Crucio."

* * *

Hello! Yes I ain't dead and I give you all a cliffhanger. Review and the next chapter will be out as soon as possible! **If you don't know then I have a poll going on regarding my Pandora Hearts/Hellsing-crossover! Please vote!**


	7. Chapter 7: Replacement Teacher

No reviews this time? *sad face* Come on guys you can do better!

**I don't own Harry Potter… but hey blackmail works sometimes!**

* * *

Chapter 7: Replacement Teacher

Fay's eyes widened before unimaginable pain shot through her limbs, and her mouth opened in a silent scream as her body turned from side to side in pain while tears ran down her cheeks, but her attacker didn't seem to care that she was crying at all. She had heard about the Unforgivable Three, and now she knew why this one was known as the most devious of them all by some people.

"CRUCIO!"

Another, renewed, shot of pure agony twisted through her body, and as she writhed in pain her attacker walked over to her with a knife in hand. When Fay realized what her attacker was about to do, she couldn't do anything except braze for the pain, and this time she screamed.

A blood-curling scream filled the empty alley, and she gasped for breath while her arm searched for the mirror she had dropped when the knife first had hit her shoulder.

"Crucio! Filthy bitch!"

She felt something wet hit her cheek just under her eye, as the pain continued to burn her body, and right away she knew that it was spit.

"Why…?"

Her voice sounded raspy as she reached out towards the blurred image of her attacker, just as a lightning lit up the sky, and her already wide eyes became even larger than before when she saw the face of the attacker.

"Y-you… I see… revenge?"

The attacker nodded, and then saw the mirror-shard in her hand.

"_He_ sends his greetings, and says that he hope to see you soon."

With those words the person who had attacked her left without another word, leaving Fay to bleed out in that empty, wet, and cold alley.

For a long time she just lay there with nothing to do except focus on breathing, and holding the mirror-shard securely in her hand.

"Sirius…"

Slowly she turned her head, and pulled her numbing arm towards her mouth before she hesitantly brought the shard to her mouth, and started forming her lips.

"Sirius… help me… I…"

She got interrupted when she heard a voice in the other end of the communicating shard, but it wasn't calm like she had suspected it to be. It sounded like someone was running, and it wasn't Sirius who answered her.

"_Don't worry, Fay, we're on our way! Where are you?"_

It was Remus who had answered her plea for help, and right now she was ever-so-thankful about it.

"Leaky Cauldron… alleyway close by…"

Her voice grew more and more tired as she felt her body start reacting to all of the pain she had been experiencing, and the last thing she registered was when the rain turned to ice.

…

"…sure she's fine?"a familiar blurry voice asked as Fay slowly returned from being unconscious. She blinked her eyes a few times as she tried to look around, but when she moved just the tiniest bit everything went quiet.

Slowly the blurred images before her turned into Dumbledore standing beside her, and he was looking at her with worried eyes. It must have been him who had been talking just a few moments ago. Still confused she tried to sit up, but was rewarded with a storm of pain in her entire abdomen-area, and a rough cough that resulted in drops of blood to land on the white sheets she was enveloped in.

"Ah I'm glad to see that you are awake, Miss Stuttgart. You gave all the staff here quite a shock when Remus appeared just outside the gates with you in his arms, half dead and covered in blood."

Fay looked away as sadness started to creep its way into her face, and Dumbledore raised a silver eyebrow when the girl kept on avoiding his gaze.

"If you know who attacked you I would be glad if you would tell me, Miss Stuttgart."

The old Headmaster looked at her over his glasses, but Fay just shook her head in denial.

"I… I _do_ know who it is, but if I told you then I would put the whole school in danger."

Fay focused on the small drops of blood that stained her sheets, and finally after about ten minutes of staring Dumbledore gave up and stood up from the chair he had been sitting on.

"You cannot hide from your past forever, Fay... you know that."

She looked up when the Headmaster said her name, and Dumbledore was taken aback by the stubborn look in her face. She looked like she didn't care about any of the misfortunes that had happened to her, and Dumbledore frowned before he added.

"Also I expect you to stay in the Hospital Wing at least another day before you return to your classroom. I will have a replacement teacher take over for you today."

The girl's eyes widened before she seemed to argue with herself but decided that it wasn't worth the trouble, and then she nodded just as Madame Pomfrey appeared beside him with a strange bottle filled with a minty green liquid in, and it smelled like milk mixed with sugar. Fay wrinkled her nose when the nurse pushed Dumbledore out of the way, and handed the bottle to the Fairy while watching her with a look that reminded Fay of a vulture.

"Drink up. This liquid doesn't taste that bad like some of the other things I could have dished up with."

Fay raised an eyebrow towards the Headmaster, who merely nodded, and Fay nodded back before she downed the entire bottle in one try, only to shudder violently afterwards when the sugary milk started making her want to puke.

"Bucket please…"

Fay didn't even have to say that twice, since the School Nurse apparently already had one ready. The bucket made it just in time before Fay started greeting her stomach's earlier content, and she whimpered when her wound in the stomach opened up again.

"Well… I'll be leaving now."

Dumbledore finally left, and Fay glared out of the window where she saw her reflection. She made a face when she saw her damaged face. She must have taken quite a beating because she had cuts all over her cheeks, and her chin looked purple for some reason.

"Damn… doesn't look like I'm gonna leave as early as I hoped…"

She groaned before placing her head over the bucket once again.

…

Harry stared in shock at the woman standing before the entire class with a fake smile plastered on her toady face. Why Professor Fay had left them with that sadistic woman was beyond his imagination, but she had to have a good reason.

"Wands away, and quills out my dears. There will be no using them today."

Umbridge's voice was as sugary fake as he remembered it to be, but beside him Hermione looked confused, and she slowly held up her hand.

"Yes dear?"

Hermione forced herself to remain neutral in her face, and she shot Umbridge a perfectly innocent look – it was as fake as Gilderoy Lockheart's magical powers – and prepared to ask their replacement teacher.

"Miss Umbridge… we were supposed to start on with practical defense-spells. Professor Fixie **(AN1)** said so herself!"

Umbridge looked like she had swallowed something nasty, and looked at Granger with a warning in her small eyes.

"Miss Granger, now that I have been appointed as replacement teacher _I_ decide what we shall learn in class. Now take out the books that the Ministry told you to get, and start reading chapter 1. Also remember to take notes."

And with that said Umbridge sat down on Fay's chair, and watched the class as if she was part of the Spanish Inquisition.

Every once in a while someone from the class would glance up at Umbridge, who merely would smile sweetly to them, and it even got to the point where the Slytherines were wishing for Fay to come back. Harry was looking up at their replacement teacher with a glare that made Umbridge cringe slightly, but she didn't give in to the urge to punish him she had at the moment.

Fay had made it clear that if they hadn't learned anything by the time she was up and running again, there would be hell to pay for the Ministry woman, but after the incident with the Minister, Dolores only thought that it was appropriate to get back on her by making all of her students fall behind.

When the bell finally sounded everyone sighed in relief, and practically ran out of the classroom but Harry and Neville both headed towards the Hospital Wing for some reason.

"What are you doing Neville?"

Harry groaned inwardly when he listened to the suspicious tone his voice held, but Neville apparently brushed it off, and instead smiled softly to Harry as he turned his eyes towards the door leading to the Hospital Wing.

"The same reason you're here, Harry. We both need to see what happened to the professor."

Neville showed a small grin but was surprised when Harry returned it.

"Neville…"

Harry started only to jump in surprise when suddenly both boys was violently shoved aside by a group of men with long hair that was tied up in high ponytails, and they seemed to wear something that looked like a leather armor with a strange mark on their left upper arms.

"Hey! Watch where you are going!"

Neville exclaimed but the men only glanced at the two boys for a moment, before one widened his eyes and he turned around to face them.

"You two kiddies have been near Fay Stuttgart, am I right?"

The man looked at them with an intimidating glare and Harry sensed that Neville probably was going to pass out any minute, if the man continued to stare at the two of them like this for much longer.

"Y-yeah what of it?"

Harry managed to get out without shaking too much in his voice, and the man smiled menacingly before he grabbed one of Harry's and Neville's shoulders, and the grin on his face widened even more.

"Then you kiddies can show us where she is, correct? We're a little lost in this damn castle, and since you two seem to be students here, I thought that you could show us where she is."

"Hold on a second! Who are you, and from where do you know Professor Fixie?"

Neville asked, and all the men widened their eyes before they all started roaring in laughter as tears ran down their cheeks.

"Oh this is beautiful! Seems like our little princess' heart has warmed! This is a golden opportunity, I tell you guys! Golden!"

The men continued to laugh until finally the one who had grabbed on to Neville and Harry dried the tears of laughter away from his face, and cocked his head to the side.

"Well… Professor Fixie wasn't here today so we guessed that she was in the Hospital Wing, which is right over there."

Neville pointed at the big doors behind them, and the men started murmuring amongst each other before they all as one shouted Fay's name, while charging towards the door.

"No wait! Madam Pomfrey will sure-…"

Harry looked at the group of men with fear in his green eyes as they reached the door, and slammed it in.

"This is not going to end well…"

Both boys looked at each other as they said the same thing, and after nodding to each other they darted towards the Hospital Wing just as a vicious roar was heard from the behind the doors.

…

Fay couldn't believe what just had happened… just a while ago she had been sitting with a bucket full of vomit in her hands, while cursing herself to the deepest pits of hell, when all of a sudden the doors to the Hospital Wing slammed open, and five men she knew better than anything else looked around to see if they could spot someone, and that someone was probably her.

"Guys…"

She had hardly finished her sentence, before the bucket in her hands had been replaced by five fully grown men who all spoke at the same time, which made it impossible for Fay to understand what was going on at the moment.

"We're so happy-"

"To see that you're-"

"Alright Fixie!"

"We never thought-"

"That we were gonna see ya again, brat!"

The five of them finally stopped talking at the same time as anyone else, and then they all as one gave Fay a bone crushing hug that made the Fairy gasp for breath, before a twitch appeared on her forehead, and with a violent roar she threw them all off her before she jumped out of the bed she had been laying in, and glared at them with fury in her eyes.

"First of all, you morons don't ever jump me like that! What the hell do you think you're doing to me anyway while I'm lying here wrapped up like a fucking Christmas present, with all these bandages? Not to mention that-…"

Fay continued her rant as she glared at the men before her who all cringed when her voice reached a new octave, and finally she stopped to take a breather.

"You moronic idiots never learn, do ya?"

Fay's raised eyebrows was met by sheepish grins and awkward faces before she sat back on the bed, and groaned when her head started hurting from all the fuss her friends had made.

"What in the name of Merlin is going on here?"

Madam Pomfrey's voice cut through the silence, and all the men sitting before Fay's bed froze when she rather roughly grabbed the back of their collars, and then literally threw them out of the room.

"Who were those obnoxious men, Professor? They seemed to know you quite well."

Pomfrey looked at the Professor with kind eyes, and Fay smiled softly as if she was hit by nostalgia. For some reason one of the few people Madame Pomfrey was not hostile towards was Fay, along with the Headmaster, and a few other teachers. Fay honestly had no idea why, but she had heard that it was because she didn't care about what Umbridge did, and had a zero tolerance-policy regarding havoc created by that dreadful woman in her classes, but hey who knew if it was true?

"They… they are friends from when I was a kid."

Her soft voice made Pomfrey smile a bit wider, before she turned around to look at her other patients, and Fay chuckled as she slid under the covers once again. Just when she thought that her day couldn't get any weirder then her friends found her, and even visited her. But if they were here in Scotland – or even on Hogwarts for that matter – then had _he_ found her? Did he know where she was? But if he did then why… why hadn't he come to get her yet?

"P-professor Fixie… what on Earth happened to you?"

Neville's voice made her look up, and she grinned when she saw Harry and Neville's shocked faces, but just as she was about to answer bile rose in her throat, and with wide eyes she grabbed the bucket standing on the floor, and loudly threw up for a few moments.

"Well you see… I had a little run-in with someone who decided that a knife in my stomach was sure to make me quit my job, but since I'm still alive an' kickin' then I'm continuing teaching you insufferable, adorable, annoying brats until you all are tired of me."

Harry suppressed a grin, and Neville seemed to be doing the same but he wasn't sure. Finally the reason he originally had appeared here shot through his mind, and he shook his head before his face turned dead serious.

"Professor… Umbridge she… well how do I put this… she said that we wasn't supposed to be practicing those spells you told us about last Friday, and I was just wondering if you had changed something."

Harry knew that he shouldn't have said that, because the second the last words had left his mouth Fay's eyes started gleaming with fury, and she quickly slid out of her bed before heading towards the door but then Neville grabbed on to her, and hauled her back to the best of his abilities.

"No Professor, please don't do it!"

Neville's actions made Fay stop a few moments to glare at him in wonder, before she returned to the task at hand: getting a hold of Umbridge, and educate her in a whole new aspect of pain.

"Lemme go, Neville! I'm gonna kick her ass outta here and back to the damn office from whence she came!"

Harry scratched his head as he looked around for help, but there was no one in the Hospital Wing except Neville, a few unconscious patients, himself, and then Fay who was struggling against Neville's iron grip.

"Well whaddya know? Looks like the little kitty still has problems with her temper… is there anything you need help with kiddies?"

The men from before had sneaked inside the infirmary once again, and they looked like they were having the time of their lives just looking at Neville struggling to keep Fay from going after Umbridge.

"Get _off_ me dammit! I'm gonna kill her for disobeying me!"

Fay's roar made the men stop laughing when they saw her furious face, and without a sound two of them walked over to her and Neville before they grabbed her shoulders, and dragged her back towards the bed much to her irritation.

"LET GO OF ME DAMMIT! ARTHUR AND THOMAS, YOU MORONIC ASSHOLES, I SAID _LET GO OF ME_!"

Fay's roars didn't seem to attract anyone for some reason, and Harry looked torn between laughing his ass off or if he should run off to get the School Nurse.

"Now, now kitty, don't you start a commotion. We all know that if you kill her now, then we can't have any fun with the person who seemed to anger our Lieutenant, now could we?"

The tallest of the men holding her down looked at Harry and Neville with a smirk plastered on his face, and then turned serious.

"Go and get the one who runs this place, and tell that person that Division Five has arrived for a little talk. I don't wanna hear any excuses, and if you ain't doin' it we're just gonna wreck this rundown castle until we find the leader of this place."

Harry and Neville gulped loudly before they nodded, and then headed for Dumbledore's office as fast as they could.

…

"So… does Heta know where I am?"

Fay's silent voice made the men turn around after watching how the two boys had run off, and they all nodded before grimacing when they saw her sad face.

"Hey if you just come back with us now, then your punishment won't be as hard as it started out to be. You'll only spend some time in jail, your Lieutenant-status will be taken from you, and then it'll be given to the best suited candidate.

Fay scowled at them, and earned herself a collection of laughing men who hovered above her, but they quieted down when they saw her face.

"I can't believe him! What the hell is wrong with Heta for doing this? It's so stupid that I don't even have a word for it!"

Fay groaned, and buried her face in her hands just as Dumbledore came running through the doors with Harry and Neville right behind him. The Headmaster seemed worried for a few moments, but when he saw the scowling woman in the bed surrounded by grinning men his worried expression disappeared, and a smile took its place.

"Professor Stuttgart, I see that there's no reason to worry after all?"

Dumbledore was met by a grim face-expression, and his face turned serious once again.

"He knows where I am, Dumbledore… If I don't go back, I'm sure to get executed for whatever stupidities I have done this time."

Fay's voice was barely hearable, but Harry still caught something about her being close to execution, and he slowly started moving towards the door but then Fay locked her eyes on him and Neville, who both was backing away, and she sighed before she flicked her wand, and they flew right back to her.

"Harry… Neville… please forgive me for doing this…"

She raised her wand and then pointed it at the two of them, before she muttered something, and both boys lost consciousness.

* * *

So yeah Fay got stabbed, she's in trouble with her superior, and Umbridge is in for a good old-fashioned asskicking! Sounds fun don'cha think? Review please!


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